If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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