gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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