U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
