White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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