I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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