Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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