I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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