My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
