the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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