All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
