Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize