at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
