it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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