I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
