I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
