you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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