please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
