My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
