Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
