well I can't set my house on fire every night
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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