and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
