You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
