Ambien. No doubt about it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
