mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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