Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
