i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
