You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am one with the molecules
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
