i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
