This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
