listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
