Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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