the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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