Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
