i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
