Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
