That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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