I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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