She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
