1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
