Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
