Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
