I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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