i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
