My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
