NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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