all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
