Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
