talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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