and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I understand Curling. That high.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
