I wish I could teleport
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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