I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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