Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Congratulations! We have a period
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