I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
