Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
