I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
