Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
